One of the most difficult things about a penpal relationship seems to be writing that first letter. What are the expectations? Should I include gifts? Should I make it pretty? What do I actually say? Should I handwrite it or can I print it? It seems that everyone penpals in their own way and the truth is that there is no right or wrong way to do it. If you want some tips and ideas though, here's my thoughts on the first letter...
What to include in a first letter
When I write my first letter I like to introduce myself. I'll tell you my name, my age, a little about what I do for a living and a little about where I live. I will also introduce my pets and some hobbies. I go into detail and I ask questions to help my penpal formulas some responses. The aim here is to spark conversation so I want to try and get my penpal interested and writing back, so as well as questions I make sure I cover a wide range of things for them to talk about when they reply, there is almost always one thing that we either have in common or that they would like to know more about.
What about Decorations?
Decorations are nice, but not required. Personally I choose to print my first letter on a decorative template, then lightly decorate the envelope by hand. I choose a theme that I like and that I feel says something about me as a person. Going forward I tend to prefer hand writing my letters, decorating and embellishing the paper to either the letters theme, my penpals preferences or simply something that I will enjoy. I try and make my envelopes co-ordinate but I don't decorate too heavily as I find that heavily decorated letters can get lost in international mail. There's literally no problems with decorating your envelope fully in the UK, if anyone is sending within the UK it will get delivered so long as the address and postage is clearly visible, after that they don't care so local mail sometimes gets the brunt of creative frustrations with heavily decorated envelopes. You can visit my instagram to see what decorations I have used.
Gifts...
Some people love gifts, some hate them. You will learn what your penpal likes over time and be able to gift appropriately. Personally I love to include gifts in my letters, but rarely in my first letter. I choose not to send gifts in my first letter for a few reasons but the main reasons are: You and your penpal are not guaranteed to be a match, sometimes they get that first letter and they are done, they do not want to write back for whatever reason. This is ok, it happens, but I've been pencilling since I was 10 and I prefer to keep the gifts for friendships. Sending gifts in the first letter can make a penpal feel uncomfortable. They may feel indebted to you, like they must respond because you've given them gifts, or that there's an expectation of gifts in return or any number of reasons.
You don't know your partners tastes yet. You could send things you think would be lovely, but they hate. It's a bad start.
If you must send a gift in your first letter keep it small, a nice set of stickers can be good because even if your penpal hates them they can use them on their reply to you, and stickers are fairly cheap so there's no pressure on the recipient. This is what I do if I feel like sending a gift in that first letter.
Not every letter sent will get a reply
This is one of the hardest things to accept as a penpal, but the truth of pencilling is that just because you send that letter out into the world does not mean that you will get a reply. When you're first starting out this is likely because you don't click, don't feel bad about it, not everyone we meet is forced to like us, the same applies for pen pals. However, if you're pretty confident that your penpal and you have matched and you should have a letter by now then the letter could be lost or their life could just have gotten very busy. In these cases I tend to send out a postcard with a little note saying I haven't had a letter from them since I last mailed out did they receive it and I hope this postcard finds them well and brings them a smile. I usually hear back pretty quickly and it's usually one of these two reasons.
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